Notice, Challenge, and Change yourself

The most difficult thing I do on a daily basis is changing my thoughts.

My depressive self-talk. It wasn’t admitting I had a substance abuse problem or getting sober. Or healing past traumas. Or grieving tragic losses. In order for those positive shifts to happen in my life I first had to choose to think differently. I had to see things from a different perspective and change the way I speak to myself. That was, and is, the basis for how I change and move through life.

When it comes to bipolar disorder, I must be willing to NOTICE, CHALLENGE and CHANGE the way I think in order to re-right my dysregulated mood. That is the key for me. The way my depressed thoughts roll out onto a sea of dark days, that’s all in my head. Even though it feels real, it’s just not real… (*This statement may trigger a response for some who believe they cannot change their thoughts or moods. If this is you, I invite you to ask yourself why this feels provoking.)

Like earlier this week. I didn’t want to get out of bed. The dark veil of depressive thoughts was weighing me down like a heavy blanket. Comfort from a familiar suffering. My emotionally exhausted mind said “There’s nothing to get up for. You’re in emotional pain, it’s gonna keep being this way. Nothing matters anyway…”

So I Noticed those thoughts, Challenged them and Changed what my mind was telling me. “Jo, you know these thoughts aren't real! Go exercise, get in your body and get your dose of endorphins - your antidepressant. Then you'll feel better and you can be in your life. It’s the best day because you have CHOICE today! You are fed, you are housed, you are loved… This will pass. All is well.”

Living with a mood disorder that is treatment resistant (several unsuccessful psychiatric medication trials over the course of 11 years) has left me feeling discouraged at times. Distorted thinking and dysregulated moods are a regular part of my days, yet I choose to not let them rule my life. I accept them. (And some days I totally fight it! And then I surrender and accept again…Oh what a ride.) A true-smile moment this week was brought on by my partner looking at me caringly and reminding me “Joelle, you live with bipolar disorder! This is going to happen… It’s ok. Don’t fight it… It’ll pass.”

Changing my thoughts about myself, the narrative that plays like a bad cassette tape on repeat, is the single most powerful action I can take to regulate my moods. If I can get myself out of bed in the morning despite my depressive thoughts, then I can regulate my sleep patterns, my food intake, get myself to exercise and connect with others (*my pillars for regulating my bipolar brain without meds).

So I NEED to change my depressive thoughts. Thoughts and self-talk lead to feelings. Which leads to a mood state and creates behaviors.

Notice your self-talk. Challenge it! Change your life.

STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment

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