Integrity of action
- Joëlle P
- Jan 29
- 2 min read
It’s been a few weeks with my head deep in computer-land, focusing on designing my new business website. As I come up for air, I’ve noticed the theme throughout this process has been one of integrity.
Without knowing, this notion of transparent honesty has popped up in all spheres of my life, starting with my messaging on joelleperras.com. I took on the challenge of building my own site and quickly woke to the reality that these web pages would carry my values and beliefs into the world. Whenever I reviewed a completed section I would ask myself “will first-impressions get what my business is about? Is this clear, direct, and congruent with my purpose?”
I’ve carried this essence throughout my days, aware that intention and clarity were guiding my way. Challenged by a difficult conversation, I chose to step up with integrity by sharing an honest disagreement rather than hiding behind “oh it doesn’t matter”. In another situation, someone reached out with a specific ask and I chose to clearly say ‘no’ and respect my own boundaries.
This road of clear honest communication started out years ago as a roller-coaster of upheaval. The idea that someone may misunderstand my intent or message used to plague me.
I spent the better part of 20 years with an unmanaged mood disorder, often lined with emotionally reactive outbursts that were confusing to those around me. Most of my dysregulated moments were fear-based reactions due to feeling terrified in my mind and out of control with my emotions, while others perceived me to be angry or aggressive.
The common experience of my fear being misread as anger by family, friends or strangers eventually led me to hide my feelings all together, hesitant to cause more external chaos than I was already experiencing inside.
It became a lonely place to live: trying to hide who I was and pretending to be something other than myself.
Though “walking-the-talk” was always crucial to me, the mood instabilities seemed to throw that off track. I dreamt of being able to show up in ways that reflected my values and beliefs, even when in emotionally charged situations.
With a decade of intentional practice, I slowly developed the capacity to do just that. Dedication to self-awareness and pausing when agitated became a mantra. Eventually, it became second-nature to regulate my internal experience to reflect my outward energy. Change is possible, even for someone who lives with bipolar disorder.
This whole experience reviewing my business website has brought back the process of showing up with integrity: Does my web content mirror my values? More importantly, do my everyday actions truthfully reflect who I am and what I believe in?
Today I can answer ‘yes’ whole-heartedly to that question. Like others, I have days where my words and actions are mis-aligned. When this happens, and it does, I take notice: I pause and guide my thinking back to center.
I come back to myself, with integrity.
STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them, by sharing reflections on personal experiences rather than clinical perspectives. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment
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