healthy communication starts with me
- Joëlle P
- Feb 9, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 20
The emotional dysregulation I have experienced this week was apparent in most of my interactions, but especially in my relationships closest to me.
Sleep disruption causes real difficulties: it changes my perception of myself and leads to distorted thinking. Communicating clearly with the ones I love when feeling dysregulated and “off” is the most difficult thing I will ever do. Experiencing this challenge is a deep point of growth for me. It’s the growing pains of trusting myself to express how I feel even when I don’t feel clear inside my own mind. And over time, I’ve developed tools to be able to do that.
The theme of communication was present over the week as I did training for my peer-facilitation work. The topic was “Talking with your doctor”, a workshop aimed at supporting patients in developing communication skills to ensure informed shared decision making with their health practitioners. No small task seeing as we can’t change the way our health practitioners communicate.… The golden ticket for me in this whole training was to understand that the only way we can change how someone communicates with us is to change how we ourselves communicate with them.
In other words, when I focus on the only thing I have power to change (which is myself) that will consequently change the interaction I have with another person. Such a simple perspective and yet powerful approach. It starts with me. No pointing the finger at others.
I can apply this to my personal life- it starts with me taking responsibility for how I show up in my relationships. This is especially important when my bipolar moods are triggered since my emotional dysregulation + reactivity often cause strained communication.
So this week I practiced saying “hey, I am experiencing lack of sleep and feeling really emotionally reactive. I know this is impacting how I interact, and I’m trying my best. I’m asking for your patience and support as I go through this”. The beautiful thing is when I own that and state it, I can notice and catch myself more quickly when I trip into a reactive comment. “I’m noticing that I’m getting reactive- I just need a minute to collect myself”. When I take responsibility for my emotions, my loved ones know to not take it personally and it spares us stressful interactions. It’s not up to anyone to redirect my emotionally reactive communication, it’s up to me.
This self-awareness is a skill I have developed over 13 years of recovery by looking at myself with neutral binoculars. I have tripped many times, but have always gotten back up to try again. My key to not getting disheartened when I get defensive while communicating is to remind myself that I am human and I’ll try again next time. I make sure to not use my bipolar disorder as an excuse for not owning my part. I offer myself a lot of compassion and forgive myself when I create confusion due to my irritable emotional mood state. I didn’t cause my bipolar experience- yet I am still responsible for myself, meaning I am able-to-respond to my mental health needs and for taking care of myself.
Taking responsibility for my feelings looks like making sure my close loved ones don’t have to read between the lines of my dysregulated moods. I get to practice clear direct communication, that’s how I can change how others interact with me to better support me when I am struggling with my mental health.
When I change myself, I change my interactions into healthy ones.
STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment
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