Dedicated to the loved ones of folks with Bipolar Disorder

I’ve spent most of my time sharing my lived-experience with Bipolar Disorder in this blog with the hope of helping others living with a similar condition feel less alone. Unknowingly, my raw stories have also impacted those who support loved ones who live with Bipolar, opening a door to better understanding dysregulated behavior that can feel so confusing to them.

An important recent conversation with a loved-one offered me an important perspective shift; reminding me that my mission to normalize mental health conversations could also include educating the person who fears someone like me, who lives with a Bipolar mood disorder. Transforming stigma into openness often begins with building a bridge where we can relate, which eventually melts away the walls of fear. And it’s the fears society has about “mentally ill people” that keeps all of us shackled to shame.

My dear friend and I spoke at length about the particular point at which we no longer fear “the dog that bit us”: is it even possible to ever change our view of someone who has caused us unintentional harm? Or do we persist in believing it will eventually happen again? How can repair happen for all?

I speak of the underlying unnamed fear we have in society about an unstable person with mental illness behaving unpredictably, and potentially causing harm. I myself have been judged by people, near and far, when I have been in a mixed-episode and behaving very reactively, shifting moods in a matter of moments. These experiences have been terrifying for me. And the truth is, on the outside, my loved-ones perceived my outburst as unpredictable anger, perhaps even emotionally unsafe to be around.

The essential point is this: both experiences, my own and my loved ones’, were real and need to be tended to.

How does someone start trusting the dog to no longer bite?

How did I start trusting someone after they harmed me?

How can I offer my loved-ones care after my emotional reactivity has impacted them?

How can my loved-ones better support me and know what to do when these episodes happen?

The first step for me has been to take responsibility for my behavior; even though I did not choose to have this mental health condition, it is still up to me to take action to address it. And afterward, once I am stabilized, I can have compassion for my loved-ones and offer them acknowledgement when I have harmed them by my behavior.

So What Next? I dare dream of a community where we all, with and without diagnosed mental health conditions, practice addressing openly the things that make us uncomfortable.

When that starts to happen, I believe we’ll be able to better support each other through the confusion of disordered mood behaviors, and every other mental health experience we have as humans.

STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them, by sharing reflections on personal experiences rather than clinical perspectives. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment

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