Mood tracking and facing the facts

I'm becoming particularly apt at noticing the stress triggers for a bipolar episode or any mood dysregulation.

One of those things is the old stories I tell myself and how old triggers from past traumas can swing me out of sorts immediately. The tool that has allowed me to become aware of that link is my mood tracker (or mood chart). I also like to call it my “face-the-facts chart”.

Mood tracking is a simple daily observation tool that has changed my life and created space for me to view myself in an uncensored light. It’s way harder to hide under the covers away from my truth when I see things plainly in front of me. It helps me face myself, accept the ways in which I unintentionally contribute to my own difficulties. And ultimately helps me live a conscious life.

I started tracking my moods when I was first diagnosed with BD in 2011. My diagnosing psychiatrist had suggested the first thing for me to do was to start keeping a mood journal in which I noted daily whether I was feeling -1 (depressed side), 0 (stable) or +1 (for hypomania). Not a very detailed scale yet simple enough for my overwhelmed mind to assess.

I had never done anything like that before. I couldn’t even remember if I had eaten or slept well the day before. When I was asked how often my moods shifted, I was at a loss… I felt like I was the kid at the back of the classroom, hiding behind my books because I didn’t have the answer to a simple question.

I soon began to understand that my moods were anything but simple. Tracking them on the daily was a mind-opening experience that would be a catalyst for self-knowledge and understanding, eventually becoming my best self-management tool for this mood disorder.

With time, I broadened my mood scale (-10/0/+10) and began tracking more than my moods. There was always that question of “What is my role in this and how can I take action? What are the things that I do (or don’t do) that unknowingly contribute to this mood instability?” Rather than blaming myself for my mood disorder, these questions were allowing me to take responsibility for my part in this mental upheaval.

With these questions in mind, I added components to my mood chart to see the influencing factors: sleep, food, exercise, meditation, connection to people, meds, hormonal cycle, life events, therapy + support, creativity and play. Even who I spend time with! This component helped me see how dysregulated I got after being around certain people.

All of it had a check box on my chart.

Within months, my mood tracker painted a wildly clear picture of my unknown patterns. It was kind of like seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time (which I did in 2007): I was in complete awe of its beauty and flabbergasted at its sheer immensity. It gave me a tremendous amount of data about myself which felt hopeful. Awareness = True beauty. I was also astonished at how many factors impacted my moods.

Here I was, standing on the edge of my own inner Grand Canyon, and I could let myself be overwhelmed. Or I could be objective and face the facts about myself; I had a lot of work to do if I wanted to live a mentally stable life. And I’ve made it my job to do just that.

At the end of the day, literally, I fill out my “face-the-facts chart”. I hit the jackpot of awareness this past year. I noticed most of my big episodes are a response to residual trauma triggers that still inhabit my body despite years of conscious effort to heal them. Living a conscious life today means I get to address those remaining sticky points inside myself and fully let them go.

My mood tracker is a life saver.

STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment

#struggles2strengths

#livingwellwithbipolardisorder

#bipolardisorder