Bipolar and burnout
- Joëlle P
- May 5
- 3 min read
I’m back.
After taking a month away to recalibrate from burnout, I started writing a few paragraphs of this blog and realized it felt empty, like what I started writing was just more of the same as last time:
“I burned out, I paused, I'm back. It’s ok, I live with bipolar, but here’s how I got through it, etc”
Wash, rinse, repeat.
But that's not what I'm trying to get at.
I'm realizing that I want to go a little bit deeper and talk about what's behind the burnout and how it is that I have experienced it many times in my life. And it's not like people who live with bipolar disorder have Monopoly on burnout! I don't think that because I live with my bipolar that I know what burnout is more than anyone else.
At the same time, the dysregulation of mood and energy lends itself to overshooting one's capacities very easily. That is what hypomanic tendencies usually bring out in me.
And interestingly, after I've had a hypomanic phase and overshot, I end up completely burning myself out… And that's when it crashes into depression. Almost like the body going into a depressive state in order to recalibrate itself; forcing the mind to shut down to cope with brain fog, cognitive distortions and pure exhaustion. In this state, my body feels so tired that it has no energy to do anything other than oversleep.
I feel somehow the burnout that I've just experienced is my internal signals telling me that I need to stop or else… I will go into a bipolar episode.
But maybe it was there all along.
What recently brought me into burnout in the first place was my tendency to overshoot the mark, overexert myself because my mind is so excited and therefore I end up working way more hours than I have the energy to do so.
My hypomanic energy is such a great driver: I don't need as much sleep as I usually do and I have the capacity to be thinking clearly up until 2:00 in the morning, actively engaged in something because I am “excitable”.
That's when I get to pay attention to the signs.
I won't lie — the hypomanic energy I experience is such a force. It is quite an amazing creative spark, and at the same time, it really dysregulates my whole mind and body, making it hard to keep anything like this long term sustainable.
Ok side note:
Oh my god, this is so funny… This is such a true metaphor. I was so focused on what I was writing at this exact moment that I didn't realize that the oil in the pan I had put on high on the stovetop started burning… I only realized it once the fire alarm went off in my apartment! Ain't that the truth...
This literally just happened.
And you know what? My bipolar disorder, meaning the manifestations of mood swings, is actually a finely tuned internal alarm system that notes when it is that I need to heed the signals to slow down and take care of myself.
I guess I should be doing that right now rather than burning a pan, right?
What I call burnout is actually my system trying to recalibrate after I’ve pushed beyond my limits — and I’m learning to listen before the alarm has to go off. Note taken.
The great reminder for me is that I don’t have to let the hypomanic energy lead the way — I can harness its power and ride it in the direction that supports me.
Bridling that fire horse, my hypomania, means less burnout and a more sustainable life.
And also less unnecessary fire alarms.
STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them, by sharing reflections on personal experiences rather than clinical perspectives. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment
Comments