Happy lucky 13

(*Written yesterday on August 1st, 2024)

Thirteen years ago I made adecision that turned everything around: I chose to stop numbing myself by way of alcohol and drugs so that I could live. So that I could take care of my serious mental health condition I had just been diagnosed with three months earlier. Bipolar Disorder II.

Today I’m celebrating.

I’m exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I love: I am sitting in my camp chair at one of my favorite campsites at Golden Ears Park, surrounded by my tree friends! My hammock hanging out nearby, eating Salt N’ Vinegar chips and drinking a raspberry Bubly. And I’m writing…. Pen and paper in hand.

My tent is just behind me, wickedly set up and ready to carry me through a great night’s sleep. Plus, I just finished reading a great book (while in my hammock earlier) and inspired by storytelling once more.

I’m going to say something so kitchy, but I implore you to really stop and pause with this one:

I am so absolutely grateful for my life.

It’s easy to be grateful for the good stuff … I’m housed, I’m fed, I’m loved. What I’m talking about is the gratitude for the challenges and intense struggles that have plagued me — because of them, I can appreciate the little things and find joy in simplicity. I know what it’s like to loose my mind and seek safety from myself at the hospital. Or not being able to stop drinking alcohol because being sober meant feeling all the scary thoughts in my head. So sitting here, completely present, surrounded by trees and stillness, I don’t want for anything. This is enough. I am enough. My life is enough.

I am grateful to truly know how amazing it is for me to even just be alive right now.

I’m one of the lucky ones.

A lot of blood, sweat and tears have gone into these thirteen years. I still loose my cool over things I can’t change — though my return to serenity happens much quicker and with much more grace than it used to. Progress not perfection.

Here’s to lucky number 13.

STRUGGLES-2-STRENGTHS BLOG aims to connect with those experiencing Bipolar Disorder (BD) like myself, as well as those who support them. Please share with others and don’t hesitate to comment

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